So I have this incredibly outstanding assignment. One last thing and I’m done school. You’d think I’d be all over it in getting it done so I could be finished. But when I was in school I was too busy to make time to do it and once I finished it was so far in the past that it was hard to get back to. Then the more I put it off, the more difficult it becomes to get back to. It seems there’s some emotional garbage attached to the assignment now which makes dealing with it overly difficult. It’s to the point where thinking about it fills me with anxiety and makes me feel sick to my stomach. Not exactly conducive to getting it done.

Then, when I could get myself focused to work on it, I couldn’t get anything accomplished. I was shaky, at best, when originally taught this stuff… eight months ago. Now I pretty much have no idea what I was taught back then and am forced to figure it out on my own. I’ve gone to the prof for aid a number of times but his explanations are the same ones that didn’t really mean anything to me months ago and offer little help. I’ve probably spent 6-8 hours in the past couple weeks just staring at this stuff, hoping I could get things to magically work.

I really wanted to finish the thing tonight. Hell, I wanted to finish it last Thursday and countless other nights, too. Tonight was the latest deadline though and once again I’ve failed to meet it.

However, tonight I managed to actually figure out what the hell is going on and I’ve made more progress tonight than I have in the past eight months. It’s embarrassing, yes, but so is the whole ordeal of still having this stupid thing on the go.

However, I’ve only done about half of what I had left to do tonight and I have to get up for work in just over two hours. So tonight is just another night of it not being done. It’s really wearing, to say the least. My only comfort is that I’ve made great progress tonight… but then something like that is easily lost in the sea of negativity I receive regularly from others.

Rain in the morning. Working with temps and Crazy kept talking to me. Trouble staying awake, solved by a trip to 7-11.

Tomorrow’s going to hurt.

my head’s on fire